new season

I recently stumbled upon this blog post and was shaken by the idea of "being alone and not lonely."

More investigation led me to this video in another post on the same blog. 

How To Be Alone by Tanya Davis

"But lonely is a freedom that breathes easy and weightless and lonely is healing if you make it."


I want to learn how to love being alone. To run enthusiastically into a season of being alone and not lonely.

You see, for the longest time I have thought the goal was to be "content" in my singleness. And after 21 years of life, I think I can cross that off my checklist. I haven't always been able to say this, but today I am content.


But a new thought rattles my soul this week.


Did the Lord really come and pay my debt for me to be... content? I hope not. I believe he came to set me free, that I may have joy and live life to the fullest!

I won't settle any longer for simply content. I want to be free and full to to top. So full, overflowing, I can't contain it.

I want to move into a new season of ecstatic. Where I can't keep from smiling... in the morning when I wake up and get ready for work, at the grocery store, on New Year's Eve at midnight when couples are kissing, when it's snowing or sunny or raining, at weddings and parties, at church on Sunday mornings, and when I crawl into my little twin bed at night in my pajamas and glasses.

I want to enjoy every minute of this "alone" season. I'm not okay with the thought of waking up years from now with my family one day, and think back on this time and only be able to say... I survived. I want to remember this time of life as being adventurous and brave and bold and sweet and full and rich.

I don't want to just be... I want to live.

I want to run and cry and laugh and learn.

I want to learn to love deeply and love well.

I want to be a better friend.

I want to rally and fight and grow and heal.

I want to create.

To serve, to do something bigger than me, to be a part of what God is doing in the world.

To be uncomfortable. I want to stretch.

I want to freely dream and courageously chase after those dreams.

I want to live a life that people notice is different and wonder why.

I want to lead with a soft voice, to learn the balance of gentle boldness.

I want to be unabashedly feminine, strong and mighty and still okay with vulnerability.

I want to follow well and love submission.

I want to be a prayer warrior.

I want to be okay with silence.

I want to hear God's voice more clearly and speak his life and truth over those around me.

I want to be a hard worker, to love discipline, to go the extra mile.

I want to proclaim God's faithfulness and see his provision in everything.

I want to help lead people into healing and growth and freedom as I move there myself.

I want to be all the Lord created me to be and I want to learn to love this woman.

It's time. Time to act. To breathe. To cry and yell and laugh and dance. To be okay, to not be okay. To have joy, to feel pain. To move forward regardless.